Washing my self confidence down the drain..

Have you ever felt helpless,  miserable,  devastated, lost?  Is there any one particular task that makes you experience all the synonyms of 'frustration' all at once?  
I don't know about you, but,  for me,  it is 'washing clothes'. I hate it.
 The damsel Ganga of Mahabharata had agreed to marry Shantanu on the condition that he must never ask the reason behind even the weirdest of her actions. On the same lines,  I put forth two rules to my husband to marry me which I guess he forgot the next moment. One,  he has to let me support my parents as they don't have sons. Whether he remembers that stipulation or not,  he has followed this at his own accord and I am extremely pleased with his commitment. The second one was- I need a washing machine or any alternative for washing clothes. I can't wash clothes. He has absolutely no memory of such a truce. 
Right after our wedding,  we have always hired maids who would wash our clothes. I would pile them up if maids went on leave. My mom would always tease me that I didn't know the sequence of steps for washing clothes- whether to dry and wash the clothes ; or wash and dry the clothes.  There were lot many chores which I hadn't learnt as a child,  a teen or a tween.  It was only when our professors in pathology mocked me while grossing the specimens that I didn't know to cut vegetables,  that I learnt to cut vegetables.  In fact, I love to chop vegetables now.  It was only when I was forced to cook during my post-graduation days that I started learning to cook.  In fact,  I feel cooking very relaxing now, it is one of my stress-busters. But when it comes to washing clothes,  I fail. I hate it to the core in all tenses- past, present and future.  
God has his own ways for keeping us grounded.  And he always punishes me by imposing me to wash clothes. Whenever our maids take leave, when washing machine breaks down for a long time, when I am forced to stay in a place where both maid and machine are out of reach, I feel crushed under the pile of clothes. I am stubborn that way; I generally accumulate the used clothes unwashed for even a week when I go on trips. I bring them all back and  overload my washing machine back home.  
My abhorrence to washing clothes is not related to the physical exertion that it causes. All negative thoughts come to me while I wash clothes.  I feel that I am a loser.  One, who as a child had dreamt of winning a nobel prize,  who as a teenager had dreamt of inventing something useful to mankind,  who as a tween had aspired to become a leading doctor,  can't digest the fact that she couldn't become capable enough even of avoiding one thing that she hated.  As I soak the clothes, I plunge into the dark abyss of depression and start realising that I am born to do better things than washing clothes.  I feel that washing clothes is the meanest job on earth.  I can wash utensils,  sweep and mop the floor,  I can scrub bathrooms, I can clean commodes,  but washing clothes is something that truly drains my confidence into the gutter. ALong with the clothes, my confidence too is rinsed, my hopes squeezed and my self esteem in hung on the ropes. 
When such huge frustration is put into action,  you can imagine the state of the washed clothes.  They will definitely not be even a bit cleaner than before.  In fact,  after I wash them,  they too appear depressing with all the stains and dirt still adorning the garments.  I love to press them and cheer them up after drying though.  I never buy a detergent bar. I don't want to prolong my agony by adhering to all the steps of washing. I wash clothes only when it is inevitable. Sometimes,  I think that I must have been a washer-man's daughter in my last birth and must have drowned while washing clothes. Otherwise,  why would I have such deep rooted hatred  towards washing clothes. Washing machine is truly my savior. 
I can't remember any other task that irritates my grey matter to this extent. Hope god always blesses me and my near and dear ones with a perpetually working washing machine. 

4/9/2020

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