2020- Epiphany

         The year of  revelations- 2020 

2020, has been a significant year for everyone on the globe. I am no exception. I have never so far felt like penning down about any year in particular. That says a lot about 2020. 

1. Covid and it's associated grief, apprehension, loss and confusion. There are lot many things that Covid has taught me in the professional and personal front. I do not want to elaborate on each one of them. When I read it later at some point of my life, I would like to remember only as much as my memory co-operates. 

2. Getting 'Georgie' home- My first experience with a pet. I took a long time to agree to bring him home. I decided to overcome my fear of animals for the sake of my children and hubby. I demanded for a friendly dog, not a ferrocious one. Alas, I took nearly a week to dare to touch him. From then till now, that is since nearly 9 months, he has torn many of my dresses, he climbs on my back and everyday he has the mark of my lipstick on his forehead. I have come to love him as my own child  and I have nurtured some affection towards his species. 

3. A much needed break from the heavy responsibility of a joint family. As part of a self imposed quarantine to safeguard our parents and children, my husband and me moved out to a small, cozy apartment with basic amenities for a period of three months. I couldn't have ever imagined this  sabattical from my restless stressful duty of being a mother, daughter and daughter-in law. I got to introspect into my mind, my life and my husband's mind as well. I realised that he has as many disappointments in me as I have in him; he could lend his ear to me if I demanded; he too has his share of uncertainties in handling relations as I have; we could grow beyond being a couple to  become best friends when we got old. I also realised that I love minimalist living, but I always need money to buy books as long as I live. The only thing I miserably missed in those days was the soothing company of my kids. Ultimately, the sine qua none of my life are- my family, the knowledge that our parents and dear ones are safe, books, sound mind in a healthy body to cope up with life besides  'roti, kapda aur makaan'

4. 'Kafka on the shore' by Haruki Marukami- an utterly confusing book. I am not sure what exactly the author wanted to convey in this story. But I derived that 'we are what we think'. It is ok to be what I am with my vices and virtues, so is everyone else. Basically we dwell in our minds. However we are, it is fine. No one has laid down rules for my life as long as I don't harm anyone. The book took off a heavy burden of regret from my mind. What happens in my mind has a reason to it and I don't have to feel guilty over it. It is my life and I have every right to love or hate the people I choose. The mere acceptance of that fact sets us free. You need not have to change what you feel about someone, you just have to change what you expect from one. 

5. My daughter grew taller than me and bloomed into a pretty lass. That made me feel like a total grown up. I have started to feel that I must act and aspire for more mature things, graceful behaviour, sober dresses, tied up hair and smaller ear-rings. 

6. Irregularity in my monthly cycles which were more punctual than a clock all these years. It has made me accept the irreversibility of time, the unchangeable  truth that past is gone. There is nothing that can be changed. There is no point in brooding over the appropriateness of my choices. I have crossed that point in life. Accept everything as it is and move on.

7. God is always there for me. I have a feeling that my understanding of the eternal, formless, all pervasive god is on the right path though I am at the starting point of the long path. He will always be there for me at the end of the day.



Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 2, 2021 at 4:12 AM

    Makes a good read. I read it in one breath. No pause. Loved it, Rashmi.

    ReplyDelete

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