On Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman

(I had jotted down some rantings of my mind in the past few months-

1.ಮೊದಮೊದಲು ದೊಡ್ಡ ಮನುಷ್ಯರನ್ನು ನೋಡಿದರೆ, ' ನಾನೂ ಹಿಂಗೆ ಆಗ್ಬೇಕು ' ಅಂತ ಅನಿಸುತಿತ್ತು. ಈಗ, ' ಇವರೆ ಇಷ್ಟೊಂದು ಜನ ಇದ್ದಾರಲ್ಲ, ಮತ್ತೆ ನಾನೊಬ್ಬಳು ಯಾಕೆ? ' ಅಂತ ಅನಿಸುತ್ತೆ. ನನ್ನ ಪಾಡಿಗೆ ನಾನು ಜೀವನ ಮಾಡ್ಕೊಂಡು ಹೋಗ್ತೀನಿ.

2.On the Road less taken by Rober Frost-

When we take the road less taken, the road that everyone else takes becomes a question mark for us... A doubt will always linger - what if I had chosen the other road? When we choose one road in that yellow wood, it's not about how much it's trotted, it’s just about the road not taken. Because the road not taken by us will always remain a - WHAT IF.

3. I have bought the autobiography of Carl Jung that's mentioned in this book, though I haven't started reading it yet)

On Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman -

This book isn't for everyone. But it was perfect for me. It's for overthinkers, perfectionists above 40, because it preaches to go easy on life and that's exactly what we want at this age of ours. I could relate to most of the stuff written. Some of the strategies that I followed in the last year, which are so close to the stuff written in the book and which have helped me calm myself to a great extent are as follows-

1. I was most restless in the morning hours as I would be occupied with exercise, cooking, packing lunch, getting the kids ready by 9:00. I would also want to leisurely enjoy my cup of coffee in between that. I also planned to study something for an hour before getting ready and leaving for my work at 11:00 am. I realised that that was too much to stuff in that 5 hour. I didn't want to cut down on anything. I also realised that my heart would race against the ticking of the clock! That's right. The problem was the ticking of the clock. So I decided to stop looking at the clock. I took it as a challenge in April 2024 when kids had summer holidays. But within two months, it became a habit(or a lost habit). You won't believe that I could manage all these on time without getting apprehensive without looking at the clock. Clock ticks faster if you look at it. You have a far accurate biological clock within and the routine you have followed all these years itself is always on time. Now I hardly look at the clock all throughout the day. 

2. Again, my mood in the morning and hence the whole day would be upset by something else. My approach to most of the persistent problems is finding the root cause; thanks to the RCA and CAPA protocol that we follow in lab to set right our non-conformities. I tried to pin-point the reason. I hate politics, especially communal politics. My father-in- law who is addicted to such news would greet me every morning in the kitchen with a piece of exciting news relating to this same topic. That would irritate me to the core. I was hesitant to tell him outright about my discomfort with that topic. Finally, it started to annoy me so much that I started feeling nauseous with the pro-Hindu, anti RG whatsapp news.  I started chanting mantras and Bhagavatgeeta for one and half hour while doing my chores in the morning in the kitchen  to avoid listening to him. Seeing me chant something, he wouldn’t disturb me.  I feel sorry for my FIL. But it's good for him that I don't get irritated with him the whole day. 

3. Even throughout the day, I would remain anxious for not being able to complete my TBR books, to listen to the Sanskrit classes I had enrolled into and similar stuff. Then I realised that neither my TBR book list, nor my Sanskrit classes had any bearing on my life. They are supposed to give me pleasure. If they are harming me, then there's no use following them. So, I read what I want to read at that moment. The classes and the TBR are still there; but I don’t stress about them.  If I want to while away time, staring at my dog, I will do it. If I want to simply contemplate on the meaning of a shloka from Bhagavatgeetha for even days till I understand it, I do it staring at space. I am actually happy. 

4. Another cause for my anxiety and irritability was the worry of the future. But when my daughter opted to study arts when she was on the verge of getting into science, I realized that whatever is meant to happen will happen. We can influence only smaller happenings, if at all we can. The larger decisions about all our lives are already made. It's not worth worrying about so long into the future. Will cross the bridge when we near it. 

5. Still, there are episodes of restlessness, indifference and irritability. I know that the solution to this is - To let go of certain illusions and emotions. It will take some time. Also, some amount of discontent is allowed in everyone's life. It's normal.

6. On encountering bigger problems which are disheartening, I try to go 5 years into future and think of today's problem. I would have overcome it and survived it. For now, I must go through it. 

7. Bhagavatgeeta, as much as I have understood teaches to concentrate on oneself. If I am happy and at peace with myself, everything else will fall into place. To always remember that we are part of a much greater scheme of things and nothing is ever permanent is truly soothing. Live in today, now. 

I am happy that I have crossed 45. I don't have to worry about building my career, earning more money, impressing anyone or being judged. I only must care about my mental and physical health. I can always pray for my family and friends and help them when and if I can.

May be, 45 is the age to PAUSE and LOOK BACK at life from a different perspective. 

 

That's not the end. But there isn't any deadline either.